Who you are right now is exactly who you should be!

Accepting who we are, or what is happening to us can be a difficult thing to do. Thinking life should always be good, without struggles is strange. Difficulties are how we grow and become stronger. Difficulties can help shape our character and give us an inner strength. We often cannot achieve this through any other way. Instead we should embrace these difficulties, looking at them as opportunities to grow.
Why do we see hardships as a negative? Why do we get so angry when thing’s aren’t going our way, or we’re suffering? Or worse, why do we become depressed and defeated when difficulties come to us? Do we think we are unworthy of good thing’s happening in our lives? Perhaps we did something in our past that we can’t forgive ourselves for, so we feel we deserve a difficult life. Maybe we didn’t have unconditional love as a child and feel unworthy of anything good? Maybe our childhood was good, there was nothing tragic or abusive, but we are still unhappy with our life? We can’t seem to see the bright side of thing’s? Why is this our way of thinking and what can we do about it?
As humans we tend to always want more. We forget to feel grateful and happy with what we have right now. We tend to focus on the negative thing’s that are going on with us. We compare who we are and what we’ve achieved to other people, thinking we should be at their level. Comparing ourselves to others is actually a form of self-abuse. We tell ourselves we aren’t good enough. We beat ourselves up for not being what we imagined we should be at this moment. We don’t give ourselves credit for what we have been through and what we’ve achieved so far. It’s a toxic way of thinking and can make a person depressed and want to give up on everything. The ONLY person we should compare ourselves to is ourselves. Are we pushing ourselves to our own limits? Are we reaching our own personal potential within the boundaries of our own lives? Our we living each day to the fullest despite our circumstances? Are we being grateful or recognizing the positives in our life? Are we only focused on ourselves and not on other’s? Are we isolating ourselves instead of being a part of a community? Do we hang out with other’s who are always negative and complaining?
I always wondered how some people could go through life’s difficulties with a smile. While other’s get so heated over a simple thing gone wrong. Some can let a negative situation become an opportunity to learn. Other’s can go through the same situation and cause more damage by getting super angry. The answer is perspective. The way a person view’s their situation direct’s their reactions.
Having a positive outlook and seeing situations as an opportunity to grow makes life easier to handle. Sometimes something we thought was bad actually turned out to be a good thing in the end. Remembering how you got through a similar situation in the past gives you the confidence you will overcome this situation as well. Giving to others by volunteering helps you get out of your own world and do something good for someone else in need. It can take your mind of thing’s and lift your spirits. Being part of a community that isn’t focused on the problem is great for giving yourself a mental break. Taking a walk in nature or sitting at the beach are great ways to relax. Writing down the thing’s you are grateful for each day is a good reminder that thing’s are not all bad. Meditation is calming, prayer is calming and empowering. Looking at the thing’s you have accomplished is a nice way to boost yourself up. Ask yourself what lessons can be learned from this gives the opportunity to see things as not happening TO you, but happening FOR you. And for goodness sakes stop comparing yourself to someone else.
A person can only live up to their own personal potential. Every person is on their own journey. A person for what they need to overcome whatever challenges they need to improve on. What I need to improve on is not the same as yours. My struggles will not be the same as yours. There may be some similarities, but it is never exactly the same. My chronic pain may be like yours but it’s not the same. The support of those around me is different than someone else and will have an impact on how I deal with things. It will be different for everyone.
Inward focus can make a person feel alone. Helping others can build a person’s self-esteem and put life into perspective. Are we humble? Do we try to learn from everyone around us, no matter their status? Realizing that every person we encounter has something to teach us!
Accept who you are, where you’ve been and what you are dealing with. Don’t try to do more for someone else. That will usually cause more problems for you. We are not in this life to beat ourselves up. We are also not here to bring happiness to someone else. We cannot live anyone else’s journey, we have our own journey to live. Sure, we invite people into our lives to enjoy the journey with. But we should never compromise who we are to bring that person happiness. If that is something we end up doing, we can end up feeling like we’re not living up to our own potential because we’ve sidestepped our journey for someone else’s. We should work towards being joyful in our current situations. We should always be who we are, who we want to be and not change to make someone else happy. Trying to be someone we’re not to make someone else happy will steal our joy. Living for someone else, especially when you’re dealing with chronic pain or illness, will drain you even more. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t feel like you need to be happy all the time. Try to appreciate where you are right now. Give yourself some credit. Your are a warrior, you can do this!
*****Let me say this, I am in no way a medical professional or a counselor. I am a woman of two teen’s, who’s had childhood trauma, divorce, living overseas, raising children who both experienced normal childhood issues, Breast-cancer, many surgeries (13), heartache, death, remarriage, co-parenting, abuse in my adult life, abandonment, unemployment, denied disability for not having enough work credits, and last but not least, good ole Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I have taken many classes over the years to help heal my issues from the past, learn how to be a better parent for my children and to parent their individual personality types, as well as learning how to manage chronic pain. So, although I am not a professional, I am a student of life and have spent most of the past 20 years taking classes, reading books on specific topics, going to therapy, seeing doctor’s, and specialists. Whatever I could find that might help me, my family and others navigate this sometimes crazy life. My goal is not to survive, but to enjoy life and live each day the best I can. All I want to do is share what I have learned in the hopes that it will help another who is struggling. I want to say there is hope and there are good days, hang in there.*****

Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

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